His Spirit Speaks…
“LOVE US GOD WITH ALL YOU’VE GOT! THAT’S WHAT WE’RE DEPENDING ON.”
–PSALM 33 (THE MESSAGE)
Maybe I should re-title this “Stars are the Streetlights of my life…”
I can remember the crisp cool nights of summer in South Dakota. I was 15, Jess was 17, Josh was 19, and I was in love. There is something about those cool summer nights and a sleeping bag on the turtle pond under the stars. There were millions of them, and no joke each one gave me this feeling of enchantment, courage, goodness. We laughed, we were SO in love, fearless! We never understood the world or all that it had in store for us, and that was the best part. There was no stress. Just stars…and butterflies in my belly at the thought of life. “He breathed the word and STARS POPPED OUT”
I went for a run tonight. I need to go at twilight more often. I thought it was so weird that those memories creeped into my head. Yet, I realized, I’ve really missed these feelings; the smell of the crisp cool air, the fearlessness, the butterflies at the thought of real love. At what point did I stop trusting in Your goodness? When did I make life and love an unhappy, scary thing? When did I let it become so hard? You’re there. You’ve always been there. You’re my every streetlight across the universe, and so then when did life become so lonely?
You breathe life into me, and with Your very Spirit living inside of me, I’ve never felt more alone and at the same time, any more hopeful at the love You have waiting for me. Tonight, if I’m honest, it’s not just about Your sacrifice, it’s that my life is in Your hands, my true love that I’ve been praying for over the last five years, he’s in Your hands. My life is Your prayer. His life is Your prayer. Our life together, is Your prayer. It’s that tonight, I surrendered to no longer being afraid of what love has done to me. Instead I realize what Love has done for me. And though I’ve been waiting on it (and You) for a long time, I see the stars pop out into this universe to tell me, it’s a brand new day!
Love: It’s made me stronger, more resilient, more honest. It’s taught me to be more self-denying, more considerate, more benevolent. It’s taught me to look at the stars like I once did before, drenched in Your affectionate satisfaction.
Your plan for me to love again–it stands up and is made to last. For this, I completely trust in You. From high above in the skies, You see my weary heart and You honor and bless my desires. You are ready to come and rescue me, to keep my body and soul together. I’m depending on You to bring me the peace of a lover. By Your words, I can see where I am going, they throw a beam of light on my dark path.
