H+E | 6 WEEKS

It occurred to me last night, Hannah in Trey’s lap with the roar of a NCAA game in the background, and Elsie and her sweet milk smeared mouth in mine that our girls are six weeks “old” ..and here I am, the photographer mom who dreamt of the day I’d fall into that category of “mommy blogger” featuring the unbelievably bias, most gorgeous snapshots of my family. The photographer that was told on numerous occasions that my children would have the most beautiful photos.. ever. A graceful compliment indeed… but somehow unattainable in the midst of disrupted sleep and a child with reflux and another with her days and nights completely mixed. And you know the best part, I still am loving every second of it.

I’m loving the burps that smell of formula and the poops that beckon baths. I’m loving the quivering lip after the one month shots and the way I’m learning the magic of God’s creation in the thoughtless way that my chest has the fascinating ability to calm. The toes that look like bubbles and those microscopic nails that are razor sharp, all part of these moments teaching me of a love that will never stop growing.

BUT… goodness gracious, we’re six weeks in and already I’ve completely failed at the “mommy blogger” job description. And Friends, I was on a roll in the behind the scenes; writing love letters to my girls all through my pregnancy, but with the stage lights on– I’m sorry, but I totally missed the mark. Six weeks and the mom guilt has hit (honestly, it hit six hours in). The first six weeks. Gone. Trey has a total of nine photos of me and the girls on his phone. NINE. And our camera, mmmm… I think maybe seven. I’m literally shaking my head at myself with tears streaming down my cheeks just thinking about it. That sentence that I use in every conversation with a potential client: “photography is an investment…” I’ve never believed this more than I do now.

Girls. I’m sorry. It’s not that the camera sat idol, really. It’s that your mom is tired and your dad works far away and your grandma has such small hands that her fingers don’t reach to adjust the settings for a simple focus. It’s hard to tell a photographer that photos don’t matter, but for me, they’re not just “a” but “the” screenplay to my every memory. You are six weeks old and if I don’t start now I fear I’ll forget it all…the smells, the sounds, the looks… and I just can’t bear the thought of that. Let’s decide to start here.

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So… six weeks. Here you go.

This week, your cousin Adelie turned SEVEN! She’s the one who birthed all these mama-wanna feelings and daydreams of the day that I would hold you. I held her on my chest only minutes old the same way I’m told that I held you (if you’re reading this and wondering what that’s all about– it’s coming in a later post recapping our birth story that Trey will need to help write). What’s so amazing is that I watched her hold you today, and that smile she had as she fell completely in love with you is identical to the one that I had when I fell completely in love with her.

And your cousin Amari was dreaming of this day– the day she could finally hold you! She cried at the hospital when she was told she wasn’t allowed to hold you. Girls- she is a natural and you are going to love her and look up to her like you won’t with anyone else. What a gift to your dad and I to have such a gorgeous, strong, young woman as a role model for you both. Also, we’ve never met anyone more eager to change a diaper… and you were her firsts!!

Brayden! He LOVES holding you… like LOVES. He played with you today, but just as the past six weeks have coveted so many wonderful photographic moments, we missed the way he was holding your little lion in front of you and shaking that black and white rattle next to your ears. You are so, SO loved!

Your daddy was the world’s best uncle for a long time before he became the world’s best daddy but I’m so glad to see that he’s keeping up with his former title. No one will ever make you laugh as hard as he will… and if you find someone who does, marry him because our life would be nothing with out the smiles he brings to us on these very long days.

It was the first birthday party you attended. Adelie will show you how to party hard; how to be the happiest kid on earth, and how to bling like no one else will ever bling.

Did I mention yet that your cousin Amari is THE BEST?! Also, we’ve never met anyone more eager to change a diaper… and you were her firsts!!

Hannah Hope, don’t let this photo fool you… or any of the others where you are awake. This week you slept A LOT with really short spans of “awake” time… and I can almost guarantee you that seconds after this photo was taken you started screaming “feed me, feed me” in baby language.

Elsie Love, we will cherish this photo reminding us that your reflux didn’t last forever no matter how long the previous nights seemed to have lasted. You’re finally sleeping… and best of all, finally holding your food down!

Your fifth week ended so beautifully on this chilly spring day. Your Auntie Risa and Uncle Andy love you so greatly and so deeply and cherished this time with you. Just so you know, they helped raise me and unknowingly taught me a lot about parenting in their own days as new parents. They’re a lot of fun just in case you couldn’t tell…

and back to your daddy, the captain of our team….

In all of our prayers for you, I never thought to pray for our marriage. I prayed a lot that we would have a marriage that would model what true love is for you girls…but I never stopped to pray for the transition that would come once you became a part of our lives. We’ve been watching you grow (photo-lessly) for the last six weeks, but in the process have missed how we’ve grown in this time too. I’ll write about that later too…

For now, these are the things that come to mind that I want you to know and that I need to remember:

Your smiles are kind. And you are loved so much more than we ever could have imagined. You’ve had literally over one hundred people come to visit and meet you… and you’re only 42 days old. YOU ARE LOVED! YOU ARE SO, SO LOVED.

Hannah- you giggle when we hold you, and we always use it as an opportunity to teach you about your grandpa. We say “Is your grandpa talking to you?” “Did grandpa tickle your toes?” And that smile, my goodness it tells us of your kind heart. Kind, just like your dad. I look at you and all I see is kindness. I was feeding you last night and I even told your dad, “I bet when she’s in high school, kids will talk about how kind she is.” Your belly tells me you’re already a foodie like me and the way you eat your food with those grunts and gentle hums tell me you’re planning on bringing them with you to every Thanksgiving meal making your Uncle Tav and I so very proud. This week you weighed somewhere around seven pounds (so did Elsie) therefore it was time that I moved you out of your preemie clothes into those newborns that seemed so huge just one month ago. I cried. You are an amazing sleeper and Dad says you’re such a good cuddler– the way you fall so flawlessly into his arms has you wrapping him around those tiny little fingers more and more each day.

Elsie- you’re reflux is finally getting better! FINALLY! The hours of rest we’ve lost watching you sleep have been so worth it allowing me to write the memories of each and every one of your breaths so tenderly into my heart. You love to pull my hair and I’ve never known a baby to wiggle as much as you do. We call you and your sister our little toot fairies and just so you know, your dad loves it because now he has someone to blame when the stink is a little too much to handle. You are so alert. You love music, like LOVE it and it’s just a reminder that your grandpa was just as much a part of gifting you to us as God was. You have such long fingers and I’m already dreaming of hearing you play the piano in our foyer before family dinners… (the imaginary piano that someday will become real). OH! And you LOVE baths, so does Hannah, but when you get a bath, it’s seriously like you need a bathrobe and cucumbers on those precious eyes like a day at Elizabeth Arden.

Girls! Your fur-sisters are so protective of you laying by your side whenever they have the opportunity. And did I mention how very loved you are??

I noticed this week that my back hurts really bad. And come to think of it, your dad has been complaining of his hurting too. My posture sucked before. But now, it REALLY sucks. And with the chronic neck and back ache, the eyes that burn in exhaustion, I wouldn’t trade them for anything because looking down into your darling faces is something that I never thought I’d get to do…ever. Speaking of your faces, can we talk about the feelings that rush through me when I look down and see Dad looking back at me? Or me… looking at me…. it’s so surreal. And just like every other thing Hannah and Elsie, I love it!

This was our second week going to church. We actually would have been there on time if I hadn’t forgotten to turn off my hair straightener. I used to worship with you in my tummy, promising God that no matter the circumstance, I would always give you to Him. Worshiping Him with you in my arms is so much better as I get to fulfill my promise to God. We love to pray with you in our laps; your Dad even holds your hands while doing so. How I long to hear your voices praising God…. but I can wait… after all… you’re only six weeks old…

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Since my husband AND my mother don’t use my camera as often as I’d like, I think maybe I’ll need to recap with videos like this.