Maybe it’s the trees in the autumn. Or maybe it’s the smell when I open the basement door. Maybe it’s sitting on my porch seat, looking out at the backyard, being content with who God is making me. Whatever it is, I am LOVING every moment of it.
Last year at this time, I was SO DOWN! So unhappy here– searching, wondering when God was going to capture me again and make me His. This weekend, one of the greatest women I’ve ever met came to visit me.
“Tasha, come and see my life. I’ll pick you up and you’ll see my new life, because I am me again. I’m better than me.” We went shopping, we talked we laughed, we cried, we watched movies. She met my kids. She met my friends. And I loved every minute of it! Because now, there is something about my life here that has captured me with exuberance!
When Todd was here last year, this wasn’t my home. It wasn’t something I was proud to share. It was just this place that was holding me captive. And now, I feel alive, in love. And the best part of it is that no one has made that happen in my heart except for me, and my Lord!
It’s so much more than the autumn leaves. It’s the colors that feed the vitality in my soul as I drive to work and watch the blustery wind move the leaves from one side of the road to the other. It’s one of my favorite parts of my day– I know it’s coming, I know that is when God speaks so loudly to me. I know that THIS is my life with Him. I know it is what He has called me to. And it is so much more than a calling. It’s the most passion I’ve ever felt! <today, I cried alone in my office when someone made a negative comment about middle schoolers. that is so much more than love, and yeah, I may be the biggest dork for admitting that, but I like it because this feeling that is so much more than love, it is passion. The passion, it is the breath of my life.
And the basement smell. It’s mine. This is where I live. The place I have made my own. The place where I talk on the phone with the friends that once made my home. This is where I snuggle with my dog. It is where I invite my mom “over” for a movie and/or a glass of white wine. And the porch seat is mine. It’s where I make bonfires with nail polish remover. Where I smile when I see Love.
This is where I am better than me. It’s no wonder I want to share it. And I got to. I get to. This is what she said about me, “I can see a lot of bright in you, I can see a lot of light in you. And I think that dress looks nice on you.” She sees me here- and I don’t think many had not just here, but in a long time. The brightness feels so good– and the light has been a part of my life for longer than I have realized.
I’ve been found, in You. You carried me upon Your shoulders. You made all things new! Your Love is what’s kept me alive. I’m still standing. It’s because of You. You’ve used the simple things to open my eyes. You show me anything here, Lord, and I see it differently, when time is no more, Lord, I’ll see it. I’ll see it inside the depths of Your creation, I’ll see it with love, and I’ll see it with life. “See the sun light, what was hidden. Heaven’s heart beat, see is moving. What was a whisper is now a voice calling out.”
The glory is Yours.
