I often wonder what Trey thinks whenever I start a new project. I think part of that is the lessons we both get {probably daily} in marriage. The new things–do you keep learning even 25 years later? I like learning about him, the special look he has when I talk to him when he’s trying to watch a show. The eyebrows let me know if it’s okay to keep talking… or if I should wait.
We dove into our “us.” I think a lot of people thought that we were crazy. Seriously, I had just gotten out of the hospital after my mental health was so far to the unhealth. {side note: why do we refer to it as “mental health” when we all know that it really means “unhealth”… I digress.} But we dove in. We dove into the love word so quickly that literally minutes later I was showing him my “rings to show mr. bressler (not his dad)” pinterest board. We dove in so deep that his parents had some conversation with him that made him cry {I can say that now, right, Babe?}. We dove in so deep that we had the venue booked before I had the ring. We had the house before the wedding. We had the cohabitating before the marriage {more on that later}. We had family disputes that in some ways still have healing relationships. I think that’s what you call diving in…and taking the others with you.
I’ve learned in my {days away from 30} years of precious life that I have a thing for diving in… and while my husband not so much, he’s ever so supportive..and also probably ever so crazy for diving in with me because sometimes it happens to be ice cold water. And when I do it, I do it hard, I do it fast, and I don’t look back.. I don’t need to because I am sure, and most of the time, I am confident.
I am most confident that the deepest I ever dove was when I decided not to break up with Trey a third and final time, but to let him kiss me in that chilly movie theater. I am most confident in our home, in our family, in our faith– and so for as long as we are together (which is into eternity), he’s now diving with me.
Here’s our latest dive!
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Okay- wait. We’re not diving into Kate & Oscar (who are adorable by the way)…. look again.
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She’s back.
I think by diving in– I’m living the dream. I went back to old blogs, ones that I wrote the first time I dove into this passion of mine… one of which said that I would be a successful photo biz owner by the time I was 30. Folks- guess where diving in has me?!
home.
This summer, I’ve been spending most of my days behind my mac editing some of the most beautiful smiles ever, beholding. Beholding that this has been a dream for oh so, soooo long. Being His child first and foremost, then his wife, then this writer me–other posts will be made public in time… and this “photographer.” {p.s. Trey has turned photographer too. more on that another time.}
And yes, the people that we drag along with us maybe not entirely directly, but from afar are asking all sorts of questions:
What about your Masters degree and counseling?
What about the finances? (one of my favorites was the blunt one– do you make good money doing that?)
My absolute favorite though– will you still move back to Nebraska?
I’ve dreamt for so long of the days where I can dive in deep to taking care of my husband, of our home, and to do it all while living out my other passions of writing and art and faith and family.
So here’s what I got for the ones we drug into to water with us:
My masters degree is something that I will treasure and own for as long as I live. The education is one that has shaped my adult way of thinking– being culturally fluent, socially just {things that make me long for a better America than the crazy picture that Trump is painting– sorry had to throw that in there.} This degree wasn’t about “school” at all, it was about people. And someday, when our kids are in school and we decide it’s a good time, I may pursue it again. But right now– I pursue people, these other ways.
I’m pursuing them as I talk to them about their beautiful families, as I encourage them through a witness of their commitment to one another, I affirm those family values– and this deep diving keeps the list going.
I pursue people (pretty cool high schoolers to be exact) when we host dinner and life groups every Wednesday. We mentor these kids with their own bold dreams and wild hearts. We laugh with them and let them know we are here for them… (and yes, I guess then my other degree comes in handy too…)
I pursue my husband when he walks in the door and I have dinner made and on the table while wearing my apron that says “world’s greatest wife and cook” and drying my hands after doing the dishes before walking upstairs to our clean bedroom with a made bed and absolutely no clothes on the floor…. …and I kiss him and say, “don’t get mad, the dishes are still there (for almost a week now), and I forgot to make the bed… and oh yeah, I’m still in my pajamas because I didn’t shower……{blah blah blah}.” But I’m here and I’m here for him. Did I mention what a rockstar HE is?!
And the finances– what a blessing to be able to stay at home now, even before our kiddies come. What a HUGE blessing to have Rodan+Fields and Beholding You Photography bringing in extra income. But seriously, is that really your business anyway? It’s a decision that Trey and I made, together, ALONE– diving into our trust in God’s provision.
and Nebraska– would you know it that I JUST turned down an opportunity (what would have been my dream job) to move there–after 9 YEARS, to stay here. WHAT THE WHAAAA?!?!! I think Trey’s mom would have dropped to the floor and hung around his ankles to keep us from moving, and my mom would have packed boxes (her own boxes) to join us and start the house buying process {because it’s more fun when you are buying two}. But after prayerful consideration and what God is doing with our lives here and now, we decided this is probably the deepest we are diving.. for now. Someday, Mid-westies, someday.
and there you have it. I’m the stay-at-home writer-worker wife, I’ve always dreamt of being. and I love it….
now– what to dive into next….. {don’t worry Trey, just kidding….kind of}
