Hi and LOVE and HUGS from the Happily Ever Bresslers.
We’ve gone back and forth in deciding what to share here concerning our infertility and the short journey of adoption. But before I get into all that we’re still happy… and that is so important to say. We’re more in love today than we were yesterday, more now than when I started this sentence. And I think what brings us through these moments, still “happy” are the long nights of bonding spent on a hard floor in the depths of our sorrows and longings watching those around us start, even complete their families. Tears have puddled and this lesson remains: strong and broken all at once, but still happy.
We are faithful– and that more than ever is important to say because we still BEHOLD God’s love through the questions and misunderstandings of “why us?” And if any good comes from this– it’s this, stay His. Be His.
When I last wrote, we were settling into a peace that was slowly walking us through all the grief surrounding my dad’s death. We were excited to know that joy would be coming… and we were anticipating the “next steps” in our adoption journey. Side note: we have these really awesome friends who were so kind to share their pregnancy news with us personally. Guys- that makes a difference. You never know how much until you do. So to them- this is our public thank you. But I want to send them, her, a bigger thank you because of how she taught me to pray through this, “Pray that if this isn’t the road God wants you to take, that he’ll put up blocks; barriers.” And so we did. She also taught me this: “God answers all prayers. It’s either a yes, a no, or a ‘not now’.” And to go into all of this with that has been such a gift.
He answered adoption with “no.” It very well may have been a ‘not now,’ and that’s okay. We were expecting to feel that sinking heart we’ve become so familiar with– the same one that comes when we see women complaining about pregnancy exhaustion and overwhelming emotions on Facebook, mom’s saying how tired they are because their children are sick or won’t sleep, and even dad’s sharing stories of their temperamental toddlers. But we didn’t– that’s how we knew it was from God (p.s. if that’s you, please take a moment to cherish it for us, please… because you’re there, and we like so many others aren’t– and for no fault of our own.. sorry getting off of soapbox now).
A couple quick FYI recaps for you: 1-there is a long wait list for infants in our local area. 2- we only reached out to the local-ish agencies because, well, like I told my besties, “it was like dipping your big toe into the swimming pool before fully diving in.” And God- thank you for hearing our prayer and answering it like you did, like you always do.
We’ve felt You more. In these heavy breaths we take in between the 3-4 shots I’m taking each day, we feel our Lord so much more. You read that right, 3-4 shots a day…because in the waiting for adoption answers, we received news that I had been cleared for IVF.
It’s painful– like a lot. I told a friend that it looks like Trey is taking a baseball bat to my tummy. And for the record, when I cry from the burning sensations of the shots, he cries too. And it’s such a beautiful imagery of the parenthood that’s to come: sacrifices for our children. It’s weird- to know that this kind of pain is normal– that the fact that I can’t stand or sit for too long is “normal” when our bodies are so wired to know that pain = something wrong. But to know beyond science that this = something right…. keeps us the Happily Ever Bresslers.
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We took this picture 11 months into our infertility journey. I think that was the morning of our 3rd unsuccessful IUI and I can’t help but giggle at our “we’re making a baby today” faces. When I look at our faces, I still see the Happily Ever Bresslers or maybe better referred to as the Hope-ful Ever Bresslers. We’re now 28 months into our infertility journey and have added Faithful Ever Bresslers to our list of names.
In the days to come there might be a few more pictures like this one on of our first day of injections. Clearly it’s a family affair..jpeg)
For some, it may be a little TMI. But there’s something so vital in being transparent. One of the questions I continually ask, is “why us?” Especially when we’ve been faithful in every way we know how. It’s hard not to compare and wonder what makes us so different that God would choose for us to take this long road to parenthood. And the only answer that we seem to resort to is that some glory will come of this. And if that’s the case, then we have no choice but to be vocal about it. And that’s where I need your help. Friends, please tell me HOW you envision this bringing glory to God’s name, we want to do it in every way imaginable. And also friends- will you join us in prayer for God’s will to be done (soon)?
…And one more thing- to have extreme sensitivity to others who walk or have walked a similar road– we’ve decided very intentionally to keep our journey OFF of Facebook and Instagram (aside from sharing when new posts arrive). That means when this DOES WORK, because we have faith it will, you’ll find out here. If you haven’t subscribed yet to our little corner of cyber world, maybe now is the time you would want to… just a thought. And more than anything if you struggle with infertility, please let me know so that we too can be personal the way very few have chosen to do with us.
…okay, actually two things- in respect for others in my network who might struggle with infertility, please only comment here. When our adoption news hit and people started commenting (though unbelievably comforting) I feared so deeply that I knew of others whose hearts were sinking into a pit that we familiarly know too well.
peace,
trey + nicole
