Building on the Worth

Last month, my cousin who day by day scrapes by in life posted this question: “Proverbs 31 .. why does she do it?  Why should she?”

…I searched my mind in that moment to find all the most encouraging answers; ones that would propel he to keep walking in good faith no matter how deep the obsta…blah blah blah…

Then I “liked” the post instead.

This morning I had a crazy bad dream.  Something about one of my biggest regrets while Obama was in office… not sending him a wedding invitation so we could get a congratulatory piece of paper signed by him and Michelle.  No matter political affiliation—it’d still be pretty cool to have.  I digress.  The stupid dream woke me up at 4am.  FOUR. FRICKIN’. A. M.

Naturally I woke up Trey.  Naturally.

“I had a bad dream that you left me because President Obama wanted to be friends with me…”

“Not gonna happen…” {rolled over and started snoring}

Was he talking about leaving me… or me becoming BFF with Mr. Obama.  {insert my shrugs and squints}.  Either way, I think I could handle the outcome.

So I laid there going through a thousand to-do’s in my head.  There’s a buzzfeed post circulating right now all about people and their lists.  Was that written for you?? {raises hand}

I have to pack.  Like, our house goes on the market in a month pack!  I have to market both biz’es.  ..and there’s the towels that have now been sitting in the washer for 2 days that are now, probably starting to smell like mildew.  And I’m behind in these posts.  Again.  And Sasha has this protruding, abscess that makes me cry if I think too much about it.  And it’s now 4:28 and maybe I should just fold the clean laundry that’s laying on the floor in front of the dryer.

…and Proverbs 31- why does she do it?

In case, you’re still sitting here reading and still wondering what Proverbs 31 is/says, let me enlighten you with this excerpt of the Spirit of Truth:

A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises.
She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking.
She’s quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: “Many women have done wonderful things, but you’ve outclassed them all!”
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!

PROVERBS 31:10-31 (THE MESSAGE) emphasis mine

Just wondering, anyone else read that ticking such prideful accomplishments away like that checklist I was building in my mind at 4 am.

I had like, six, maybe seven on a good day.  Let’s be real, I know I should probably be humbler about it… but.  I’ve got SEVEN (since you know, today is probably the only day that I’m up before dawn… and actually, I’m probably not going to be making breakfast today because it’s an on-the-go kind of day).  SEVEN.  SIX AND A HALF.  And as someone who, just yesterday only counted three ticks, this matters.  {insert your cheering and applause} Thank you, thank you very much.

Listen, I was folding laundry at 4:31 A.M.  (while in my mind reciting and questioning the words that came to memory.  Convenient how they were these: “A good woman is hard to find…” and “The woman to be admired and praised is…”)

Before I get started with this—You.  Right there.  Yes, you.  You’re doing a great job.  That list you just made of Proverbs 31 “ticks,” throw it out.  I just ripped mine apart.

Because listen, I need the reminder daily that I’m ALREADY worth far more than diamonds.  Do you think there’s a reason the writer started with this?  Know your worth, dang it!  God made you and then He died for you.

This week, I’ve been overwhelmed.  I slammed dishes in the sink so that my Trey would know that I’m soooo over doing dishes this week.  Because clearly that’s a better way to communicate.

And last week, I didn’t make the bed one single day, because I waited to see if maybe he would.  Because clearly he can read my mind.

And yesterday, I worked for 9 straight hours on my business only to end the afternoon all melancholy and hung up because I didn’t complete any of my “diligent homemaking” duties that were on my list.  The dishes were still there, and the bed was unmade, so… why not?  There I went.  But dinner was calling, and Trey was wanting to introvert, and the nephews make us smile, and Lawdy my father-in-love was coming over and shoot if I didn’t hit the jackpot when I got my husband and John as my FIL!  …and does this doing-life thing ever take a break?!

Obvs, when I hit the pillow, I hit it hard.  …until 4.

And there I was, 4:31 a.m. folding laundry.  And sweet Robynn- this is why: “She senses the worth of her work!”

Look, we don’t get the recognition all the time, and we don’t need to keep track of it.  And when I say we—obviously, I’m talking only about “me.”  But God, the one who created us; He knows our hearts, and He knows that life isn’t easy!  His life sure as heck wasn’t, look how it ended… right?  But He also knows, what we’re doing, even if I am just scraping by… it’s worth something.

It’s so easy for me to go through this “list” pre-kids, wondering how in the world if I can’t do it all now, how I’ll be able to do it all then.  But what’s the point!?  No matter how hard you’re I’m striving to be this perfect woman (which by the way there is no perfect woman), the one who is praised at the end is the one who fears God; the one who respects His sacrifice for us.  Trust in His words.  We are worthy and our work has worth.

So… it’s now 6:24.  I folded our laundry, did some photog-ing stuff… and am left with this passage after all that contemplation and realization.

These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living.  They are foundational words, words to build a life on.  If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who built his house on solid rock.  Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit—but nothing moved that house. It was fixed to the rock.

But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don’t work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach. When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards.

MATTHEW  7:24-27 (The Message) emphasis mine.

—

in case you missed it, we’re building our life in this new home currently under construction.

I guess it seems fitting to build it on these words, a solid rock.

I had a friend who did this, buried a bible in the foundation of her home.  When she did, I always told myself, I would someday do it too.  There’s something so unbelievably humbling about the experience.  Submitting all to Jesus.  We each took the Bible and wrote in it our prayers of thanksgiving and sovereignty for the future, our future in this home together.  And then we held hands and prayed, our voices echoing in the newly poured walls of home.

It amazes us from week to week how we see such change.  I spend days thinking that I’m never going to get “there” wherever that might be, while in these weeks that drift by transformation is occurring.  What a parallel, this from that!

I never thought I’d be so excited to tear down trees, breaking down nature like it’s mine.  ..hah! Oh the irony.

Every time we’d visit the home site, Trey would say “I just can’t see it… among these trees… where is the house going to go?!?!?!”  This was the moment he saw it.  He cried.  and then I did too.  and then we were one big sloppy mess.

In love all over again and beholding this life that doesn’t always seem like a gift… but is.