Writing to please God..

and on her first Monday as a real-life writer she….

sunk into the fear of the unknown that coupled so romantically with a thirst to get lost in the dream

—

I like to play music when I write; as if the rhythm of my thoughts turned to words dance and come to life. Today is no different, except that it takes me back to my first dance recital. The one where I fought tirelessly with my mom, begging *on my knees* to not make me do it. Those “icky’s” in my tummy were butterflies, and the anxiety of a 2.5 year old were fighting hard to sink me into cowardice. But even then I was dauntless. So I danced to please her; and today, I think I’ll do the same…to please Someone else.

You may know by now {because 1- you *ever so graciously* accepted an invite to my Personal Blog-Facebook page, 2- because you have already been following this blog for quite sometime now or 3- because somehow you stumbled upon my attempts of a growing social media presence} that I have decided to plunge fully into the world of blogging. It’s not like I haven’t been here before; growing an audience or divulging all things ~~worth anything to me~~ pointless. But today it is different. Today is the first day, united with other greats of this year, that I’ve triumphantly ~~fought~~ defeated a mission I set out for years ago {probably because my husband continues to make all my dreams come true}.

It’s hard- setting a goal to become a “mommy-blogger” when I’ve yet to become mommy. And it’s hard- sitting down to write about marriage when I’ve only been married for 282 days (see what I did there Trey?). And it’s hard- sitting down to write about faith, when there are days I feel like my doubt will win yet knowing my God will overcome. And it’s hard- not knowing if, when, why, how, this–any of THIS, will be received. It’s hard- trusting that this will not subject my family (and probably friends) to unwanted publicity (no matter the scale). The struggle is for real, real. And these are just some of the thoughts that found their way into our sanctuary at 3 a.m. with a snoring husband at my side.

Trey is a “private person.”

Sitting on the couch after dinner will get lonely for him- {all that social media up-keep me on my phone}

Did I lose a “follower?”

Is google+ really a thing?

Can we afford for me to start attending writer workshops and conferences?

How will I measure success?

Can Will I stay humble?

What are my friends going to think?

…that counseling degree

Balance?

Boundaries?

I’ll tell you what’s not hard– in fact it’s rather effortless to trust in a God who has called me here to compose musings into deliberations and speculations into meditations. It’s NOT hard to hear His Spirit dance and run along side of me; giving me the steps that brought me to the finish line where I crossed from fear to joy before beginning another race where the pace has already been set for me.

Yesterday’s message at church was so overwhelmingly purposeful {thanks, Brian} — and I want to share how, so that when that struggle gets real again {because you know, “Dancing” may have her moments…} I will return to these lessons.

I will NOT be a people pleaser.

We thumbed through scripture a lot. But here’s what I got:

The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in GOD protects you from that.
–Proverbs 29:25

[My] purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts.
–1 Thessalonians 2:4

I will speak boldly.

I know that faith and religion is an uncomfortable discussion for so many but Truth is in me and I will stand firm because of the lessons learned from the saints:

No one had the courage to speak favorably about Him in public.
–John 7:13

But I will take courage and try.

God will keep me…

I’m not really sure who this quote belongs to, but THANK YOU!

God’s keeping power is just as good as His changing power.

..and if and when time comes, He holds my heart to change.

I do not need approval…

This is huge for me. I recently read a blog post by Sara over at Feathers & Roots where she was talking about the idol of social media and how the time spent “all things blogging” can become a barrier in marriage and family. I like having this on the front end of the blog revamp. I don’t want to hear my husband telling me he “wants me back” and when the time comes, I don’t want to question if I am spending enough time with our children or too much time writing, editing, photog-ing. I don’t want forget all the other “things” because I’m over here perfecting and seeking…

Amazing honesty from Sarah, but also I need to note that I am not standing on the front line battling social media. I’m just starting and finding my own #boundaries as I work *with* social media.

Here is her advice to me:

…It definitely is such a struggle, this balance of wanting to express yourself but also not put so much of yourself into something that it becomes all you think about. It helps so much to remember that we aren’t defined by what we do and our value doesn’t come from how successful we think we should be. I’m so glad you found your way here, and may we both rest in knowing that our acceptance and value and purpose rest with a kind, gentle and wise savior. 🙂