oh oh oh. oh oh oh. I’m getting serious here.
ice cold six pack of Smithwicks, check. lounge pants, check. glasses, check. crazy, messed up bun, check. white zit cream polka dots all over face, check. Crap. Pretend you didn’t see that last one about the zit cream…
no really. I’m serious. I’m about to let my fingers go a little wild as I sit here reminiscing about dear old 25. Let me start by saying it sucked. haha. okay, that’s making me laugh a little. okay, a lot.
It started like this.
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and it was FABULOUS.
Call me sentimental.. maybe a better word is idealistic. Perhaps even ceremonious. The point is, when it comes to my birthday, any birthday really, I celebrate. Life is a miracle. It should be celebrated. It should be commemorated. It should be LIVED. So that’s what I did. Life just wasn’t what I expected it to be…
My plan was to live with gusto– another year of fabulous.
I’d like to define fabulous for you: exceptionally good or unusual. Yes. Unusual it was. And in ten years, I may actually look back on this and know that yes, it really was exceptionally good.
Because I’m blessed.
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by parents who have given me more love and support than I could ever deserve…
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by a big sister who has cried with me, laughed with me, scolded me, listened to me, and been with me through thick and thin…
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by girlfriends…
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by the escape that dancing gives…
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by ministry…
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by a new home…
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by more ministry…
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by FAMILY…
by vacation amidst the worlds greatest, most cherished friends…
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through butterflies…
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by wisdom…
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by soul searching…
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by new life…
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by fulfilling a lifelong dream…
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through freedom…
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through my soul mate and bestest friend…
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by reality…and real reciprocated care. maybe even love. real love.
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through failures…
by good kisses- oh they were SO GOOD. by wake-up calls. by mistakes. by life.
…but this is my prayer.
let me live again–for happiness, for blessings. without depression. without anxiety. without fear. with surprises, more of the unexpected–that just… HAPPENS. with more love. with guidance. with happiness.
So I search for strength into 26. Because 25 was the last thing I saw coming. No. If I really wanted to, I could look at 25 as a year that made me sick. But it didn’t, it blessed me. Even through the tears, through the heartache, it really, really blessed me.
I haven’t been sleeping at night. I’ve awaken to want nothing more than to disappear before the end. But at 26, I’ve decided to search for the end; to speak my mind when all I want to do is cry. to find my way back to where I started, in fabulousness. FABULOUSNESS-it’s here. it’s still waiting.
God–find me hiding here and just do Your thing. I’m holding on tight, save me. I may have been love struck. I may have been lost. I may have been right where You wanted me. Come and find me. Come and GET ME! and let my world spin madly on as I kiss 25 goodbye.
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goodbye 25. and good riddance.
