Mac Smithwick and my honesty.

I like to set the scene when I write.  Maybe you’ve noticed.  Today, I think I’ll just post a picture.

My writing nook has changed.  It’s cramped.  But note: the trash tv is turned off and for once, my Smithwicks isn’t pictured don’t worry though, he’s next to me, in a glass half full.  Mac is on my lap.  I’ve decided since Mac and Smithwicks join me on these “rants,” it’s best to label these types of posts (wait for it a “Mac Smithwick” post) original right?!

The picture isn’t doing the mood justice.  I’m wearing a hoodie, hand me down boxers, and these bare feet of mine are chilly.  so are my hands.  and my eyes, they’re a little swollen…

but first, the rejoicements.  I have lots, and let’s just pray they’re enough to change this Mac Smithwick post into that glass half full for real…..

Two weeks disappeared.  The awesome thing–having a following of readers holds me accountable to updates.  The bad thing–having you guys holds me accountable to updates.  But I LOVE YOU!  Two weeks and I’m back.  Here’s what you’ve missed…and what Mac and I want to tell you about.

I am still the most blessed girl in the world.  This man, that warrior, the no longer my boy fun, but loyal friend is great.  SO GREAT.  SO AMAZING.  He helped me move.  and I broke down like a baby.  Over a couch.  and he watched me “like a toddler having a temper tantrum.”  Rather than selling my couch, he’s storing it for me.  So as I cried watching it drive away with him– I was reminded that it is in the best hands, THE BEST!  

and then “it” wrote me this kind letter.  and p.s. don’t be fooled by the political stance of my couch–it’s being brainwashed….I’m convinced it’s the only downside of living with Robert.

I’m thankful for this man and all his cheesy-ness that makes me giggle.

—

and then I’m thankful for THESE MEN!

look who’s driving!  MY NOAH!  dude.  stop growing up!  ps. I hate when I’m not photogenic….

—

and like moving and socializing didn’t keep my life busy enough… I celebrated love.  I hate saying “I went to a wedding” btw.  Really.  It’s so much more than a wedding.  LOVE.  Ohhhh love…. Mac Smithwicks post, I will beat you!  CELEBRATION OF LOVE!

Congrats Ryan and Leah!

and p.s. how lucky was I amidst these men?!  ..oh, and mother…

btw- happy birthday mom and dad.  Actually, I celebrate your lives everyday.

—

Just in case you were wondering, Amari and I are still princesses.  We spin and twirl and giggle and love.  Because we’re girly girls.  That dance.  and dream.  some dreams keep on getting better…

—

and remember that sweet, amazing warrior?  The Ahhh-mazzzinnnggg father?  The couch holder.  He’s still blessing me.  WITH BREAKFAST.  OH LAWDY!  He should start charging for these (not me though…) Mac Smithwick, I’m winning…..

Homemade hashbrowns.  shoot.  eggs (that I didn’t make).  hells to the yeah.  Prosciutto.  English muffins, with cream cheese.  and fresh oranges.  Ohhh I love this guy!  Here’s why: he ALSO went to dog therapy with me (Sasha update post coming soon–it’ll be a funny one, stay tuned).  THEN he took my apartment keys and went in to paint while I was at work.  THEN he came again to load up the uhaul and complete my 15th move with other great ones whom I love just as much, Geoff and Amanda (and Jack)….THANK YOU DEAR FRIENDS!

—

Which brings us to:

this spot.

It used to be one of my favorite writing spots.  It was the place where more tears were cried.  Where A LOT of trash TV was watched.  Where wayyy too much gossip took place.  Where goosebumps and passionate kisses overwhelmed my heart.  Where tequila beat my ass.  Where laughter won the day.  And lastly where I said goodbye.

I sat there in the quite moments.  MY moments of solitude.  Reflecting.  REJOICING.  In this new chapter.  God’s still writing my story…and I’m still wandering.  And… what’s that Mr. Mac Smithwick?  Honesty?  You want some honesty?  Why yes.  Of course I’ll be honest.  I’ll be brutally honest.  Oh but the readers.  They know me… and if there’s anything I’ve learned from tea bag wisdom, it’s this, “True understanding comes from compassion?”

Believe it or not, in the 13 day writing hiatus, my little fan club which once was only six, has reached out to me.  GOD BLESS YOU!  Here, let me respond to you, and might I suggest that you understand me with compassion?

Q: What happened to the photography business?

A: Sister-cousin and I fought today.  Tears were shed and hurt held deep.  I’m not over it yet, but that’s because in her wisdom there is truth.  I know it… “…Then you were passionate about the photography, so we all jumped on board…”  Friends.  I’m still passionate about the photography.  Darlings, if I’m honest, life’s just in the way.  That’s a good thing.  Just go back eight months or so and read.  READ. and then rejoice because HERE. I. AM. DAMMIT!  As life is on it’s way to a calmer state, so is the time to refocus.  SO!  The photography business is still “in business”.  Actually, call me.  I’m scheduling holiday shoots for those Christmas cards you know you want to order through me….

Q: How do you like the nannying, really?  I mean, it is for the little ones… your “least” favorite ages…

A: We have a nickname for this guy.  But for his privacy that shall remain a secret….that’s right.  What you see there is nail polish.  pink.  orange.  purple.  You also see little boy fingers and a happy, mischievous smile.

that’s right.  what you see there is lotion.  LOTS and LOTS of lotion.  on little boy legs.  and that smile, there it is…again.  It melts the anger right out of me.  The way he moves my hair out off of my shoulder so that he can lay his head on me– oh he melts me.  So darlings, if I’m honest, I love it.  It’s the closest thing to mothering the way I was made to, with nothing but love.  A whole lot of love.  Darlings, if I’m honest, it’s a shame but so true, I’m crazy in love with my 5 kids.  Even _______ oops, I almost spilled the beans on his nickname….

ps. Henry helped my put together my first lego model.  pretty snazzy hmmmm…. oh and hey, pray for Henry, he fell in the shower last week and got a pretty bad concussion.  Poor buddy of mine is bored to death!

pps.  Giggling with Ryan in the mornings is sometimes the most perfect start to my day.  I mean really, giggle with us.  How can you not?!

Q: What’s your school plan, again?

A: Well friends, I am currently taking a pre-req at NOVA (the community college in town). Next semester, January 2013, in God’s leading and according to His will, I will begin my graduate courses for a program that HOPEFULLY I will be admitted to by the fall (it’s not guaranteed yet…pray please).  It is a 2 year program.  George Mason University is my first and darlings, if I’m honest, my only choice.  The program is Counseling and Development.  I’ll specialize in school counseling and graduate with a k-12 counseling certificate.  HONESTLY-this is a goal of mine, but I’m aware that plans change.  Support as I venture through changes whatever they may be will be the key.  True understanding comes from compassion….

Q: How do you stay so strong in your faith amidst trials?

A: Darlings, if I’m honest, I don’t.  It’s just all I know.  I became lost in my faith years ago–and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  That alone was the best decision I’ve ever made.  There are no guesses– it’s just all that I know.  It’s just all that I am.  And as the great Rob Bromhead reminds me, “Would you rather wrestle with God, or without Him?”

Q: Why have you moved so many times?  and where?

A:  The older I get the more I become my mother.  This is her motto: “When I die, my body won’t ever move.  I got to get it all done now.”  That, and… “We have to go where God needs us.”  Darlings, if I’m honest, the latter of the two mottos is what’s getting me through this past weekend and the next 2.5-3 years.  That, and Mac Smithwicks.

a quick moving journal for you, and yes, I have seriously moved 15 times:

0-5 Burke, VA

5-9 Brownsville, TX (2 homes) *moved to be closer to ailing grandfather and needed a bigger home

9-14 San Antonio, TX (3 homes) *apartment while waiting for home #2 to finish construction.  Home #2 too big.  Home #3 my all time FAVORITE.  SLICKROCK WAY.  Oh how I miss you.  I owned that babysitting block….

14-15 Artesian, SD *right across the street from my high school…and yes, in the winter, my dad drove me to school.  My superlative that year was “Laziest…”

15-16 Letcher, SD *Rio Escondido.  Home of the miniature horses, the slut cattle, the toddler chickens, and Mother Mary’s famous milkshakes for all my friends.

17-18 San Antonio, TX (2 more homes) UTSA apartment, and Helotes home.  I had a house.  Me… a house….. okay…. more on that later

19-20 Omaha, NE (2 more homes)  My all time favorite city…. frequently referred to as my home-aha

21-24 Manassas Park, VA *ahhh the life of a struggling young adult in northern virginia.

24-26 Centreville, VA (2 homes) *officially my first homes.  MY first homes.

Presently a new resident of Fairfax, VA *I hear bets are in order as to how long it will last.

—

keep the questions flowing darlings.  If I’m honest, I won’t hold back.   Who am I kidding, you know I’m not about to hold back.

and ps. Mac Smithwicks, I beat you.  You’re an empty glass that filled this attitude and sad day.  and Mac, keep hanging on.  3% battery life left and I WILL WIN!

Happy Halloween sweet little ones.