He’s still listening…

I sat down yesterday to behold God’s goodness after a stressful moment that I’m positive cut Trey’s and my life together short by about 10 years. And then- airplane internet stole my silly and informative blog post about how God is holding us even when I feel like we’re I’m hardly making it.

See, I’ve been missing from here for a month, and before that, another month. And I hate that. Life’s been hard for us, for my family, and it’s been busy and demanding, and stretching us in every single direction. And like some hipster, I’m sitting here rolling my eyes saying, “I.LITERALLY.CAN’T.EVEN.”

I can’t.  Because my dad has cancer.  And our infertility threw me in the hospital again.  And it’s like the busiest time of year for a photographer.  And I love it, and it’s my saving grace.  But then I accepted that sub-counseling job that I had to cut short by two weeks because I literally couldn’t even.  And my mental unhealth has been creeping in while my Jesus is fighting hard for me to feel the simplest glimpse of his peace, and I just keep asking myself, are we making it?!

We made it through my dad’s 4 hour surgery, and are still chugging along in our own little familial pain.  We made it through the last of my 2016 sessions and delivering photos and cards in time for Christmas (although that was easy because gifting families with an uninterrupted hour to love on one another is kind of my passion because of how our own life demands dedicated time to just breathe and to love and to be loved).

We barely made it through the school counseling position that was the one last thread that had my “controlled” anxiety sewn together until the unwraveling of everything else had me crying uncle making that the first thing to go.  (I won’t talk about the  failure that I faced realizing the kids and parents that I was leaving behind after only 3 weeks).

And we made it to yesterday– the day we’d been counting down for; when we could finally get out of NOVA to spend time with family and celebrate a beautiful, God-blessed and written union, and to reconnect with one another without having to cut it short for someone else (which we are happy to do and would drop anything to do… but we needed this…)

But yesterday.  Also the day, when somehow we forgot my computer (that I so embarrassedly called a small appendage to my life) in the security line at TSA.  Thankfully my husband discovered it right as we sat down in seats 12B and 12C with little leg room and the claustro-aero-phobic mania ready for battle…

My top 1000, Army 10 finisher, sprinted to security with slow, little, uncoordinated me deplaning and rushing to customer service to try and rebook our flight (this after I already rebooked because of ORD and it’s proceeding reputation of weather-related cancellations– and oh yeah, polar vortex).  

Ask me why I rushed.  Go ahead.

“Ma’am, please do not approach the desk yet.  I’m not ready for you yet.” she was eating a bagel.  with cream cheese.

“Okay.  NOW, now I’m ready for you.” p.s. she had cream cheese and crumbs on her mouth.

“I’m sorry ma’am, the only flight I can rebook you on is out of Reagan and you’re going to have to pay for a taxi to get there because this is all YOUR fault.”  Thank’s lady– like I hadn’t realized that already.

“You’re going to have to go through Chicago and will arrive in Dallas at 6:45.” <rolls eyes>

“Shoot.  I just rebooked out of there.  Do you have any information on the weather?  Like, in your experience, do you think the flight will be delayed, because we need to be there by 7:30?”

“Well ma’am, I’d just like to remind you that this is YOUR fault and your only option.  We have nothing else.  Nothing at all…” Now that was just rude.

“Are you okay?”  I asked.  She looked at me in disbelief.

“No seriously, are you okay?”

“Uhhhh…I’m okay.. It’s just that this is your fault and I’m not in Chicago, I don’t know what the weather is going to be like, or what it is going to do to your travel plans.  But this is your ONLY OPTION.  So since this is your fault, I would suggest you pay for a taxi and go to Reagan.”

“Okay…Well..you’re being unbearably rude to me right now.  I already know this is my fault.  And I’m here trying to be kind and patient, when I just lost a small appendage of my life.  And all I want to do is catch a break.  But clearly, something must be wrong or bothering you, so maybe I should help you first…” <insert my ringing phone>

“I got it!” Okay. battle one. WON!

“Mrs. Bressler, it looks like I do have a DIRECT flight leaving here in about an hour, it’s one gate down.  There is only one seat left and the other is standby.  But if you aren’t able to get onto it, come back and see me and I’ll try and put you on the flight out of Reagan.”  p.s. why don’t we call rude people out more often?!  Why don’t we take the time to see the reasoning behind ugly behavior?

Trey paced and I giggled.  Did we really just find my computer?  Last month, my brother and sistil (that’s what we call each other) left their iPad on a flight and unfortunately it was not recovered.  So, after a successful plea for prayer on facebook, I found it fitting to respond with a selfie.  Trey was less than amused.  Exhibit A.

When the NICE United employee, said “Sweetie, you’ve got yourself a seat… and guess what, it’s next to your husband!”  I jumped pretty fast and pretty high.  Because we actually made it.

We made it!  And we literally.could.even.

And so I’m beholding that tiny JOYS that this season is bringing us after what’s been a long couple of months where His silence was teaching us and molding us (reasoning still TBD).  But we’re beholding.  We’re beholding Jesus’ peace when everything seems to be going against us.  We’re beholding what matters most- not the small appendage but the fact that He’s still listening to us.

And we’re beholding the fact that we’ve made it.

We’ve made it to this time where we can pause and celebrate and just breathe in some joy and breathe out some peace.

A few little gems from last night (you know, since we made it on time)… p.s. I left my camera at home.  I miss it.